The green turkey confession

 

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Yes, well, I can explain. There was this year, you see, when I was commissioned to cook the Thanksgiving turkey. This involves rubbing and salting and peppering and herbing and such. I was not informed of the fact that dried herbs are more concentrated than fresh. What’s a few tablespoons of dried parsley and sage among friends, ay? It turns out these spices, when used in concentrated amounts, can tint your turkey green. Fact. Too much is bad thing. That applies to certain topics in writing too. I will share.

1. Including many adverbs/adjectives. The young, sensitive woman tenderly clasped the quivering yellow feather in her quaking clammy fingers. Did you get bored somewhere in the middle of that? Readers do, too. They’ve got good imaginations. They don’t need a lot of clutter.

2. Including too many characters with similar names. Bob and Rob, Jenny and Lenny, even Jill and Jake are going to confuse things.

3.  Adding too much figurative language. “Knock it off,” he yelled in a voice as loud as thunder. She trembled, as unsteady as the leaves in a storm. “Man,” she thought. “He’s mad as a bull in a china shop.” Figurative language is like salt. A little enhances, a lot ruins the whole thing.

Did you ever have a cooking disaster? Fess up and you’re entered to win the November prize of a book, iTunes gift card and a Christmas surprise. Winner announced on Monday. 

Find out more about Dangerous Tidings, Dana’s new release

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13 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Trixi on November 27, 2015 at 2:22 am

    One Christmas years ago, we had our neighbor couple over, and some family friends for dinner. Everything was perfect, except for my dinner rolls. I make everything from scratch so I couldn’t understand what happened! They didn’t rise like that should have, they almost burnt on the bottom, they turned out small and almost hard. Well, I finally figured it out….I forgot the salt!! I was so embarrassed and apologized to everyone telling them I’d make up for it. A couple of days later I remade them (with the salt this time) & brought some to our neighbor telling her “THIS is suppose to be how they turn out!!”….we just had a good laugh about it. Everyone was such a good sport about it all 🙂 I’ve never since forgot to put salt in it when I mixed up the dough!

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  2. Posted by Suzan Michet on November 25, 2015 at 3:07 pm

    Absolutely ! The worst one was the time I tried to cook sausages and didn’t heat them long enough and gave the family food poisoning … and we had 1 bathroom. UGH. Now I always buy sausages pre-cooked – and I cook them again !

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  3. Just about any time I try to cook it becomes a cooking disaster 🙂

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  4. My first Thanksgiving with fiance’s family, his mother had a recipe from newspaper for Turkey Frame Soup for the leftovers. We spent all day cutting up veges, making homemade noodles, etc. It tasted like dishwater. But we bonded over it. I actually wrote a blog post about it last Thanksgiving. http://bethcarpenterbooks.blogspot.com/2014/11/bonding-over-bad-recipe.html

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  5. Posted by Elizabeth on November 24, 2015 at 2:53 am

    I come from a family of 8 brothers and sisters. When I was first married, I made spaghetti. Only thing was, I didn’t know how to cook for 2. We had spaghetti for a week! Then, I often made dishes and put them in the freezer for those rushed days when I had to work late. Pull out sauce, make noodles, and instant dinner. Only one time it was enchilada sauce instead of tomato sauce! Hubby jumped up from the table, declared, “Look at the time! I’m going to be late for my class!” and left. He was really off to grab dinner before his graduate class! We still laugh about enchilada spaghetti!

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  6. Yes!! Once I used bad yeast in a pastry recipe and the outcome was disastrous!! I don’t think I’ll forget that incident for as long as I live. All these years later my daughter still laughs about how horrible it was.

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